Survival
I'm starting to come up from the rubble I've created
and it's trying to bury me again
If I dwell in it
I'll drown in it
and I'm not giving myself that option
My heart lends itself to my murmur
and beats off rhythm
It's too much
It pushes itself out through my eyes as tears
I will not drown in blame or self-doubt or in my stupidity
I will live in my resilience
I will find comfort in the fact that I'm broken
but still standing
I find myself forgetting now
I'm good at that
I've had practice
My memory becomes a mystery
even to myself
It is how I survive
Pieces remain but I waste no energy
in piecing together the puzzle of what once was
It was necessary
There was too much damage done to remember
It was killing me
but I find myself forgetting now
Easier said than explainable but it happens
Almost subconsciously because that's the only part that remembers
I will live in my resilience
and learn to be good at that
and it's trying to bury me again
If I dwell in it
I'll drown in it
and I'm not giving myself that option
My heart lends itself to my murmur
and beats off rhythm
It's too much
It pushes itself out through my eyes as tears
I will not drown in blame or self-doubt or in my stupidity
I will live in my resilience
I will find comfort in the fact that I'm broken
but still standing
I find myself forgetting now
I'm good at that
I've had practice
My memory becomes a mystery
even to myself
It is how I survive
Pieces remain but I waste no energy
in piecing together the puzzle of what once was
It was necessary
There was too much damage done to remember
It was killing me
but I find myself forgetting now
Easier said than explainable but it happens
Almost subconsciously because that's the only part that remembers
I will live in my resilience
and learn to be good at that