Growing up, I had lots of plans for my life...
I wanted to be a runway model and a writer, a fashion designer and a wife and mother.
My first three career options were quickly squashed because I have always been a little too shy to put myself on display for people to judge me. Now Wife... my mother and father have been together since the 9th grade and they are not married. I, of course, have my father's last name and my mother does not. One of the huge reasons, as a child, that I wanted to be married was to have the same last name as my husband and my children. The funny thing (not really haha funny) about that is I've been married for three years and I still haven't legally changed my last name to my husbands. Hmmm. And mother... now I have had some great role models and examples of what a mother should be. Both of my grandmothers (Lillian and Lula) and I was also lucky enough to have other women around me who by choice "mothered" me... Miss Julia and Mia. - may they all rest in peace....and my mother, Dorothy Mae. I hope to be half as good as the women who raised me.

Now I never expected the life of a mother and wife to be an exhilarating lifestyle and I'm not saying its all darkness and drought but what I am saying, is that I'm in a rut.
My family's daily routine (Monday - Friday):
between 5-6:30 AM: alarm goes off. (timing depends on how many times I hit the snooze button) Up and shower, brush teeth
between 5:30 -7AM: dress, beat face, do hair, pack my purse, check Cadence's diaper bag
between 7-7:20 AM: eat breakfast, change Cadence's diaper, coat and hat (don't forget blanket) and pack all of us in the car
between 7:30 -8:15AM: take Cadence to my mother's or my MIL's and head to work
Work (8:30 AM - 4:30 PM)
between 4:50-5:20 PM: pick up Cadence
between 6:00 PM - bedtime: this changes slightly on a daily basis, but not much.... dinner, playtime, bath time, do laundry, do dishes, clean/pick up house, pick out clothes for the next day, then bedtime

Needless to say, I'm bored.
The weekends are a little less routine but even still it's mostly breakfast, shower, dress, playtime, errands, lunch, playtime, naptime, finish laundry I didn't finish during the week, clean/pick up house, playtime, bedtime.

I need something. Anything. An earthquake of my soul to shake up this mundane living.
I love my child. I love my husband. I don't even mind my little, office job sitting in a cube talking to people most days,
but something has to give. It's more than a vacation that I need. It's a life overhaul.
I need an extreme makeover of my life
but at the moment I am Bill Murray and it is Groundhog Day. Every day.
I'm even boring myself as I write this.
It's Saturday and it's naptime, so I should be doing dishes or finishing the laundry.
But I don't want to. Maybe I'll skip it and find something on Netflix. I will regret it later because the dishes and laundry will be waiting.
Vent over.



I'm too old and too much of a mommy to be about that night life. I just found out that I'm very anemic. The doctor says that I'm down two pints of blood and the comments I got on FB after posting about it was "Where did your blood go?" (insert laugh here) and "How do you take in more blood?" I don't know the answer to either of those questions.
Apparently I have iron deficiency anemia.
So of course after I talk to the doctor I talk to my real doctor WebMD
and check off my symptoms...Iron deficiency anemia symptoms may include: extreme fatigue? Check! Shortness of breath? Check! Headaches? Check! Dizziness or lightheadedness? Check? Irritability? Check!  Unusual cravings for starch? Check!

Apparently I've been blaming being exhausted on my 2 year old and my shortness of breath while working out on being out of shape,
my headaches on my need for an updated eye script and my dizziness on standing up or moving around too fast, my irritability on the fact that sometimes I'm a bitch (I'm aware) and my craving for starch on the fact that starch is good. Bread? Yes. Pasta? Yes Please. Mashed Potatoes, French Fries? Loaded with bacon and cheese if possible Thank you very much. And that's just because it tastes so good and I like food.
But apparently it's so much more than that.
And when my doctor used the word transfusion it was one of the scariest words I've heard in a long time. But then the follow up was that it wasn't recommended yet. I could lose another 2 pints before we'd start talking transfusion at my age. Start with that next time please... and thank you

So I'll pop my iron pills with orange juice twice a day and hope for the best. I'd just be careful with bare necks around me. Just saying.

I've been writing since back in elementary school when my teacher taught us about similies and metaphors. I still have old black and white composition books with short poems and random drawings from too many years ago.
Writing is what I love. One of the things
I've been wanting to do a blog for the longest time. I don't get time to write in a diary anymore so since I'm on a computer most of the day most days this became the most obvious option to start writing again.
So I'm starting today....
With Thanksgiving right around the corner and Christmas sneaking up on us right after that, it has me thinking....

Can we celebrate a holiday in its entirety before moving on to the next?
It's like having a conversation but instead of listening you're just waiting for your turn to talk
Can we let holidays be celebrated in the spirit in which they were intended?
Celebrating life and sacrifice and unity and not e-commerce and an overabundance of unnecessary things
I won't get into the celebration of Christ's birth for Christmas because even though that's the intention of Christmas it is so much more
and if you don't believe in Christ or just believe in another God, I don't judge. I only speak for myself and the holidays I celebrate.
But same things go for Kwanzaa and Hanakkuh
I am thankful on Thanksgiving but I try to be thankful all year round for all the blessings that I know I have
For Christmas I try to relinquish my realistic sensibilities and enjoy the magic of the holiday
celerate the tradition of family gatherings and the spirit of giving, peace on Earth and helping the less fortunate
but I've always been easy. I enjoy homemade cards and comic strip wrapping paper. I'm a girl at heart. A kid, really.
So I'll be excited to decorate for the holidays and get dressed up like my family always does and enjoy the lightheartedness of putting all differences aside and watching the joy on my daugther's face

Merry ThanksChrismakuh!